Ramadan 2008

There's only a day left for Ramadan this year. The Holy month of Ramadan has always been a very special month for me. It has always been a month for self reflection and self evaluation.

This year, surprisingly what impacted me most was my sudden feel of longing for my late father. I was at terawih when the ustaz called upon the names of arwah yang we will do tahlil for that night and his name were called out. Mind you, this is a person whom I have never met from the day I was born till the day he passed away.

Tears were running softly down my cheek throughout the bacaan tahlil for this man. This is the name that I carried behind mine for the past 35 years and till the day I die. I suddenly realised that I only say a prayer for him once a year. Does that make me a bad daughter? I guess it does. And that saddens me more..

Ayah, I can't say I Love You as any good daughters would as I do not know you.

Ayah, I can't find any nice words to describe you to my friends as any good daughters would as I have never met you.

Ayah, I can't recall any happy memories with you as any good daughters would as I never had a chance to experience one with you.

However, this Ramadan, I made a promise to myself that I will include you in my doa at the end of each of my solat. I pray that Allah forgives you for leaving me and I pray that Allah placed you amongst His faithful servants.

I also pray that when you look down at me from where ever you are that you would be proud of me and who I have become.

Al Fatihah.